chemo in the hospital all week- serious feelings

So it's Tuesday today, second day in the hospital this week. I arrived yesterday and had to get surgery to put in a semi-permanant pic-line. Then i got admitted and what not. What I wanna think about though is not all this horrible side effects I have or how emotionally draining this whole experience has been, but all the positive things that I have learned. There are people out there who say don't waste your cancer, and that couldn't be more true. In my beginning months, I was kind of just blocking out my emotions because it was hard to accept the fact that I might die at an early age. We all have to die someday, and cancer has taught me something I will never forget. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Numbering your days means thinking about how few there are and that they will end. How will you get a heart of wisdom if you refuse to think about this? What a waste, if we do not think about death. I like this saying, " To live is Christ, to die is gain" This doesn't necessarily mean to literally die, but to die to your sinful nature and the every sin of the flesh. Cancer has slowly done away with my selfish tendancies and my addictive nature to always want whatever it is i want RIGHT NOW. I truly believe with no doubt that God put these tumors inside me in order to have a deeply affectionate heart and to think about others before myself. Ive never met a truly happy person that was selfish, never. Another verse that stuck out to me today from 2 Kings is ," I have heard your prayer and seen your tears: I will heal you." Lord, please hear my prayers and see my tears. Have mercy on me and touch me with your powerful healing hand, as you already have! You made me Lord. You know me inside out!!! You know me perfectly. This disease is threatening my life, but Lord you are more powerful than the disease. Please God put a song on my lips of praise to You and help me to testify of your loving miracle in my life. I pray that my friends and peers would repent and put their faith in Jesus. I realize this is not always going to happen, but I hope to be a walking example and live more like Jesus Christ everyday. Help me to be a testimony of your never ending love. Finally in this post I just want to thank my Mom and Dad for giving up themselves during this hard time and dealing with me when I am cranky or bossy and not feeling well. God has blessed me with the most loving family and I cannot thank Him enough.